Being There For Your Teen – The Simple Art Of “Holding Space” (Part 4)

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

In part 1, we understood what is ‘Holding Space’.

In part 2, we looked at how parents may struggle with specific skills.

In part 3, we saw that parenting is dynamic in nature and it requires a collaborative relationship between both the parent and the teen to create a strong and joyful bond.

As we delve into the concluding segment of our series, ‘Being there for your Teen – The simple art of holding space,’ let’s unravel the diverse profiles of parents in the context of holding space. In Part 3, we explored the dynamic nature of parenting, emphasizing the collaborative dance between parents and teens. Now, we turn our focus to the intricacies of individual profiles, recognizing that holding space is not a one-size-fits-all endeavour.

Every parent approaches ‘holding space’ uniquely, influenced by their mindset, coping mechanisms, outlook on parenting, and perspective towards their teen. It’s crucial to acknowledge that there isn’t a singular right way but a spectrum of profiles, each contributing to the rich tapestry of parent-teen relationships. Some parents may effortlessly hold space, while others may find it more challenging. And that’s totally okay! The key is not to judge but to understand, learn, and adapt.

Here’s what various profiles can tell us:

1. Mindset Matters:

  • Each parent’s mindset shapes how they approach challenges and joys in parenting. Some might see obstacles as opportunities, while others might view them as hurdles. Recognizing diverse mindsets helps us appreciate and learn from various perspectives.

2. Coping Mechanisms at Play:

  • How parents deal with stress and difficulties is crucial. Some may have go-to strategies that involve open communication, while others may rely on personal reflection. Understanding these coping mechanisms provides insights into the emotional resilience of parents.

3. Life Outlook Influences Parenting:

  • A parent’s general outlook towards life impacts their parenting style. Optimistic parents may instill positivity in their teens, while those with a more cautious outlook might prioritize safety. Recognizing these outlooks helps us comprehend the sources of parental decision-making.

4. Perspectives on Teens Shape Interaction:

  • Every parent sees their teen through a unique lens. Some may view challenges as growth opportunities, fostering independence, while others may lean towards a protective stance. Recognizing these perspectives, guides us in understanding the dynamics of parent-teen relationships.

Here’s a table outlining the probable profile of a parent who practices holding space:

here’s a table outlining the probable profile of a parent who does not or is unable to practice holding space:

It’s important to note that both the above profiles are a generalization, and individual parenting experiences will vary.

To corelate and understand parenting profiles to that of the teenagers is an exercise not many would feel comfortable doing. However, this all-round profile view has the power to show both the light and the shadow and in turn, bring about an awareness and enlightenment that can foster a healthier relationship.


Here’s a table outlining the probable profile of a teen who experiences holding space:

This profile represents a teen who not only experiences holding space but also actively contributes to creating a supportive and nurturing environment within their relationships.

Here’s a table outlining the probable profile of a teen who does not or is unable to experience holding space:

This profile represents a teen who faces challenges in experiencing or creating a space for emotional support and may find it difficult to navigate relationships and personal growth further on in his life.

Understanding the profiles of both parents and teens unveils critical insights into the dynamics of their relationship and how they navigate emotional spaces together. Here’s what the correlation signifies:

  • Mindset Alignment:

Positive Correlation: When both the parent and teen have open, growth-oriented mindsets, it fosters an environment where challenges are seen as opportunities. This shared mindset promotes mutual understanding and collaboration.

  • Coping Mechanisms Harmony:

Positive Correlation: If both parties share healthy coping mechanisms, such as seeking support or engaging in positive activities, it creates a supportive foundation. Conversely, a mismatch in coping strategies may lead to misunderstandings or unmet emotional needs.

  • Relationship Outlook Consistency:

Positive Correlation: A shared value for open communication and trust enhances the quality of the parent-teen relationship. If both parties understand the importance of empathy, it contributes to a more connected and supportive environment.

  • Perspective on Life Synchronization:

Positive Correlation: Similar perspectives towards life, viewing it as a journey of growth, contribute to mutual understanding. Consistent outlooks facilitate alignment in navigating challenges and adapting to changes.

  • Challenges in Case of Mismatch:

Negative Correlation: A significant discrepancy in any of these aspects may lead to challenges. For instance, if a teen struggles with trust and a parent values open communication, it may create tension and hinder emotional support.

In essence, a positive correlation suggests harmony and shared values, fostering a healthy environment for holding space. On the contrary, a mismatch highlights potential areas of friction that may require open communication and understanding from both parties.

KEY TAKEAWAY:

A positive correlation in mindset between parents and teens cultivates a nurturing environment. When both parties embrace growth-oriented perspectives, it fosters mutual understanding and strengthens the parent-teen connection.

Harmony in coping mechanisms, such as seeking support and engaging in positive activities, contributes to a supportive foundation. Aligning these strategies ensures that both parents and teens can effectively navigate challenges together.

Synchronization in relationship outlook and life perspectives builds resilience within the parent-teen dynamic. Shared values of open communication, trust, and empathy lay the groundwork for a resilient and harmonious relationship.

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REFLECT AND ELEVATE:

  1. How does your mindset align with that of your teenager? Reflect on instances where shared growth-oriented perspectives have positively influenced your relationship.
  2. Consider the coping mechanisms you and your teen employ during challenging times. Are there areas of harmony, or do you notice disparities? How can you align strategies for better mutual support?
  3. Examine the values you and your teen hold regarding relationships. Are there shared beliefs in open communication and trust? Reflect on moments where these values have strengthened your bond or caused challenges.
  4. Explore your and your teen’s perspectives on life. How do you view life’s journey? Reflect on shared experiences that align with your outlook and instances where differing perspectives may have caused tension.
  5. If you observe any mismatches in mindset, coping mechanisms, relationship values, or life perspectives, delve into why these disparities exist. How can open communication and understanding help bridge the gaps?

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